My wife prefers her vibrator to sex with me

She says she’s too tired to make love, then masturbates in secret. How can I break this cycle?

My wife and I are in our early 50s – both divorcees who married three years ago. Our sex life has been drifting away for the last couple of years. Regularly, my wife indicates that she is too tired or stressed for sex – but I know that she uses her vibrator when I’m not around, despite telling me she doesn’t. When she has an orgasm, I know that she will then be even less interested in sex for another couple of days, and the cycle goes on.

Your wife’s self-pleasuring is not necessarily having a detrimental effect on your joint sex life. It is very common for people in a relationship to engage in secret masturbation, and for tired, stressed people to prefer this to partner love-making as an easy and comforting alternative.

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