My boyfriend and I have great sex, but sometimes I wonder if that is all we have

He doesn’t want children and I am mostly resigned to that and would prefer to have someone in my life. But I worry that I am just settling, or using him. Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader

My partner and I met more than a decade ago when I was in my late 20s and he was in his 30s. He was my second boyfriend but, although we shared interests and tastes, I didn’t find him attractive. The sex, however, was great, even though he was a virgin and I had only had one experience. We dated for a while, but he was adamant that he didn’t want children so I was cross and grumpy until he broke it off; I wasn’t mature enough to end it myself. Every year after that, he sent an email on my birthday and, finally, after 10 years of not having a date with anyone else, I suggested we meet up and try again. I am now (mostly) resigned to not having children and would prefer to have someone in my life.

We have now been dating for two years and, although we both have our own places, we meet every weekend. The sex is still excellent. We are at it morning and night and in the afternoon also. However, sometimes I think that is all we really have. He doesn’t have any hobbies or interests; he likes to wander around local towns or cities every weekend. He takes several holidays each year to different European cities. I prefer to do things: I have lots of hobbies and like taking classes. I have recently set up my own business. On holiday, I like to be alone in empty spaces. I get irritated when he is with me 24/7, so we no longer go on holiday together. I often get irritated with his mannerisms and lack of decisiveness, but I am getting better at being patient and hiding the irritation. Luckily, he doesn’t usually notice and I think that being with him has helped me to be a much nicer person.

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